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Feeling "out of step"

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Angry Jedi

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Feeling "out of step"

by Angry Jedi » Fri Oct 03, 2014 8:01 am

Given the nature of who we are and what we do, I figured this was as good a place as any to express this.

I feel "out of step" with most of the rest of existence. I feel like I don't fit in. I feel like the things I like are things very few other people like -- and, moreover, that when I express myself about the things I like, I can't put it across in such a way that people can understand.

This is an all-too-familiar feeling. It's the feeling of being a nerd before the Internet was around to bring worldwide congregations of nerds together in one big happy nerdy family. But that has splintered and fragmented over time, leaving certain portions of the community right back where they started -- marginalised.

Starting a new job where I get to work with three-dimensional people who have absolutely nothing to do with video games has been quite helpful, as it makes me feel relatively "normal" during the daytime, particularly as I get on well enough with them for my perpetual social anxiety to not be anywhere near as much of an issue as it normally is.

Ditching social media has also stopped me being quite so frustrated about the endlessly circular nature of many arguments online.

But it's impossible -- and undesirable -- to live in a vacuum. I still find myself frustrated, upset and even angry at times, and I'm really not quite sure how to deal with it. I can't change who I am or the things that I like, nor do I want to.

I really appreciate having the Squad around as a diverse group of people who all like different things, but who have mutual respect for one another.
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Teryn

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Re: Feeling "out of step"

by Teryn » Fri Oct 03, 2014 1:29 pm

I believe we've all been there, though it really is frustrating at times. Feeling like the rest of society is one thing and you're another is, well... pretty much what's marked my whole life.

People in our situation can either beat themselves up for not being "normal", or laugh and point (privately) at the idiots who've lost opportunities to get to know what cool, different people we are.

You're definitely not alone in feeling "out of step". Glad you told us. :)
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Raven2785

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Re: Feeling "out of step"

by Raven2785 » Mon Oct 06, 2014 11:36 pm

"Even when I was in a crowd, I was always alone"

Hemmingway, if I'm not mistaken. And I agree with Teryn, you're not the only one to feel this way and I am sure plenty more people on the forum would echo the sentiment.
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Angry Jedi

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Re: Feeling "out of step"

by Angry Jedi » Wed Oct 08, 2014 8:05 am

For as generally positive as my ditching of social media has been -- I think it's overall better for my mental health -- I do feel a lot more isolated now.

It doesn't help, of course, that convincing the people I want to continue chatting to -- you guys aside, of course -- to come over here to the Squad forum is like pulling teeth. That's pretty frustrating, but I also understand people not wanting to sign up to yet another site to add to their daily rotation.

Wish there was an easy solution!
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Re: Feeling "out of step"

by Bowley » Fri Oct 10, 2014 3:34 pm

The way I see it, you either keep doing what you're doing and learn to not give a fuck what other people think (easier said than done, especially coming from a socially anxious crouch), OR start trying out and integrating some more "normal" things in your life, while not completely giving up the stuff that makes you feel out of step.

Do you think part of your identity is too wrapped up in being a connoisseur of the off-beaten path, which can foster a distaste of, for better or worse, all things mainstream?
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Re: Feeling "out of step"

by Teryn » Fri Oct 10, 2014 7:43 pm

Bowley wrote:Do you think part of your identity is too wrapped up in being a connoisseur of the off-beaten path, which can foster a distaste of, for better or worse, all things mainstream?

Good point, sometimes we actually become more insular despite ourselves because the way we've followed in the past becomes a (sometimes unwarranted) feeling that we are "safer" in our familiar places... despite being unhappy there and unwilling to admit it.
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Re: Feeling "out of step"

by A.I Impaired » Tue Oct 14, 2014 8:41 pm

Being 'in step' just feels exhausting. I may be off the mark, but I believe its a game for those don't really know what they want and just follow trends until something satisfying takes them off the beaten path. We may feel distanced from others in this. However, to feign interest in something just to be surrounded by others also feels quite lonely to me.

At least you know there are other people off the path too, being true. While we may not be on the same paths necessarily, we can occasionally make connection, set up camp and have a jolly chat.

In my life I have been fortunate to share paths with different people, but many of these people have veered into a different path. Relish the memories friends. but don't let it fester into regret. Everything that has happened has led you to where you are, and who you are right now. Life is meant to be lived, for what it is. Learning acceptance, in the face of great suffering was the best I have managed with the cards I have been dealt. It is challenging, but worthwhile.

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